The Three Best Things I've Done For My Mental Health In The Last Year

You know what I love? The concept of "leveling up" versus "getting older." Instead of focusing on the things we lose as we age - smooth skin, energy, the metabolism of a coked-up weasel - leveling up focuses on the things we gain. Things like skills, experience, and better armor for your body type.

When I was 20 the thought of making a healthy breakfast for myself every day was laughable, I had no idea why everything hurt all the time, and I believed everyone everywhere had to like me at all times or I might actually die. 

Now at level 43 I'm more comfortable with myself and others, I've had most of my broken parts diagnosed and treated, I feel a million times better, and I've learned hundreds of skills and coping techniques and routines that just make life better. Like how to make a healthy breakfast every day. It's awesome. Leveling up is awesome.

So in that spirit, I want to share three ways I've leveled up my mental health game this past year. I haven't mastered anything yet - and never expect to - but these are ways I can look back and see definite improvements.

1) Lean In To The Routine

This is obvious for most of my fellow mental health warriors, but it's gotta be said. Routine is our friend. Make lists. Set alarms. Schedule your week, your meals, maybe even your outfits if that helps. The less mental energy you spend making decisions, the more you'll have to tackle your day, your work, and the unexpected gremlins life chucks your way. So spend your precious, finite cache of mental energy wisely.

If this is a new strategy for you, let me recommend my post Routine Maintenance: 4 Ways I've Reduced My Daily Anxiety By Limiting My Choices.

And here are two tools from that post that help me stick to a routine:

- A pre-printed daily list:

(I erased all my strike-throughs so you can see my examples from yesterday.)

Note how the 2nd thing on my list is to make another list, ha. The things I do every day are printed, then I add day-specific tasks on the right. I've been using a dry-erase list like this most days for the last several years. I keep it next to me while I'm working, so every time I realize I'm mindlessly scrolling social media (which still happens a lot), I can check my list to get back on track.

Tuck your printed list into a page protector, and voila, instant dry-erase list! I also have an alternate list for Sundays on the back, so it's double-sided.

- My magnetic menu board

Magnetic Dry-Erase Menu Board w/ Neon Markers

I've raved about this thing enough before, so let me just say again that it is a massive sanity saver. If you do the "I don't know, what do you want to eat?" dance every night, try this. Since I last mentioned this menu board I've leveled up to making the menus myself each week, instead of making John decide. See? Still baby-stepping my way up!

2) Volunteer and/or Donate To Charities

John and I've always loved working on projects for friends, but this past year we've started volunteering at an actual charity, The Sharing Center. We started small, just a few hours a weekend sorting clothes for their thrift store. That was so fun we decided to go bigger, and over the last few months we've replaced ceiling tiles, painted entire offices, laid over 1,200 square feet of laminate flooring, replaced sinks, and more. It's harder work than we've ever done for friends, but also vastly more rewarding.

If you watch my Stories you might remember some of these updates.

How is busting our butts for free rewarding? Let me give you an example. Two week ago as John and I were painting the Client Services building - where they distribute food, rent money, and more - I watched an older woman knock on the door and beg for a loaf of bread. "Please," she said, "Just anything." The office was closed at the time, but the workers still opened the door and handed over a bag of groceries. I was across the room painting out of sight, but that moment struck me to my core, gang. I felt incredibly humbled and grateful and sad and joyful, all at the same time. At that moment, you couldn't have dragged me away from the work I was doing.

Volunteering can give us life-changing, mind-changing, heart-changing perspective. It takes our focus off ourselves and our own hurts, and puts it on something tangible and helpful we can do right now. From a mental health perspective, that is massive.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Sure, Jen, easy for you to say. You have construction skills! And time!"

You're right, John and I *do* have more time and abilities to give than the average person. Still, anyone can volunteer. Can you sort clothes? Hand out bags of groceries? Smile and greet people? Then you can volunteer. Some places even let you bring your kids, so you can make it a family activity. Right now the Sharing Center can barely keep their shelves stocked; they need people to sort the donations pouring in. Do you have 3 hours on a Saturday? They need you. And I promise you, I promise you, even a single afternoon volunteering can do wonders for your mind and mood.

For the times when you genuinely can't give your time, I recommend giving your money. It doesn't have to be much, even $5 matters. But here's the key: first find a cause you're passionate about, read about what they do and how they do it, and then give. Then find another cause, read about what *they* do and how they do it, and give. Repeat. Make it part of your weekly routine. Get invested in every sense of the word. Don't just give, learn what they do and give. Take ownership, recognize that your dollars are making these good things happen. When you help a cause that's bigger than yourself, you may find a renewed purpose in everything you do.

Even if you prefer to give to the same place each time, I recommend you keep researching new charities. Keep looking, keep learning. Find a new amazing organization every week. Tell your friends about them. When the news is so full of hate and horror, it can help renew your faith in humanity to see how much good is being done out there in the world. Mr. Rogers said, "Look for the helpers." I would add, "... then go help the helpers."


3) Scheduled, Forced, Socialization

If you're a house hermit with introverted tendencies like me, this one's tough. That's why I call it "forced." That's also why you really must schedule it ahead of time. Don't wait for the spirit of socialization to strike; I promise you, most times, it won't. If you give yourself the option it is always easier to stay in your jammies and binge another season. Continued unchecked, though, we all know where that path leads: isolation, insomnia, depression, anxiety, loneliness, hopelessness.

Brené Brown changed my entire perspective on the meaning of life, and this is it, in a nutshell:

"Connection is why we're here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering."  - Brené Brown

Think about that for a sec. Without relationships we will suffer. No matter how much of a loner you are, no matter how fiercely independent, you are wired for close friendships and loving relationships. I believe that's why we're here, what we were made for. Learning to love others - and to receive love -  is the highest level skill of all.

My own forced socialization is every Friday night, when John and I host a few friends for alternating Craft Nights and Movie Nights. John makes dinner, and we all sit and talk and laugh together. Most nights there are only 4 or 5 of us, but even visiting with a single friend is enough. In fact I have another friend who visits me every other Monday night, when we sit and talk for 3-4 hours straight. Julianne is the busiest person I know, so we have to schedule visits or we'd never see each other.

Do I often feel like cancelling my forced Friday socials? Heck yes. Have I ever regretted hosting one anyway? Nope. Even when I'm tired and drained afterward, I always find myself in a better headspace. Being around friends drags me up. No matter how surly or depressed or awful I feel going in, by the end of the night, I feel better.

This will look different for everyone, but an easy way to start your own forced socials is what I did: tell your friends you'll be hosting movie/game/craft night every weekend. Or every other weekend. Don't depend on just one or two people, either; invite as many as you can. Make a private FB group or text chat to keep them all updated. My own group has about 10 people in it, but we average half that or less with everyone's conflicting schedules. In fact a couple times it's been just me and one other person (who isn't John, ha), and that was just as lovely as a whole house full.

Obviously mental health is a many-sided battle, but I hope this gives you a new strategy or two to consider. I'm trying more new things to level up this year, including yoga and screen-free Saturdays, so if you found any of this helpful and want more, let me know! I'd be happy to keep y'all updated on how those go.

*****

Can you believe January is almost over? This month has felt like forever and also not, somehow. But on the plus side, that means I get to pick 3 more Squeegineer winners! So if you haven't entered yet, be sure to do so by midnight on the 31st.

The Squeegineer give-away lets me pass on all sorts of little treasures from my personal collection to you readers. The current prize board has everything from original art to geeky costume pieces to that hysterical Worf gnome doll John made.


How someone hasn't snatched this up yet I'll never know.

You can enter for free by e-mail, details here, or if you've donated any amount this month via Paypal then you're automatically entered. I have a few more treasures I need to photograph and add to the prize gallery, so this month's winners will also get to choose from my White Rabbit clock corset and a Figment tail skirt bustle, aww yeeeeah.