Our Next Cosplay Is A Star Wars Dad Joke Of The First Order

We all knew this day was coming.

Every year I make roundups of my favorite punny costumes, so it was really only a matter of time before John and I jumped onto the groan-worthy gigglewagon ourselves. But believe it or not, this one is all John's idea; I'm just along for the ride. And to sculpt bizarre props. But that's getting ahead of myself.

John has wanted this costume for years, and despite it being a fairly obvious pun, I don't think it's ever been attempted.

UNTIL NOW.

Yep, we're doing it, bots. We're making a Boba Vet cosplay.

BOBA VET.

And what does a Boba Vet treat? Well, Star Wars animals, of course. So... we're going to need some of those.

Which brings me to today's epic-yet-bizarre prop build: a Porg... in Carbonite.

::pauses to reflect on all the life choices that got me to this point::

::slow grin::

Ahem.

And if I'm building a Porg in Carbonite, then of course I'm going to show you how to build one, too. Because everybody wants a Porg in Carbonite. That's up there with a rock to wind a piece of string around and prosthetic foreheads on their real heads.

Ahem hem.

Let's begin.

First place a scale print-out of your Porg onto pink insulation foam from the hardware store. We're aiming for life-size, so our slab is about 2 feet long.


Trace your photo onto the pink foam, then use foam board to make a cross brace of the Porg's side profile. This provides structure and a handy depth guide. Hot glue the foam cross section in place.

Now here's where our dastardly Porg plans... are foiled:


Heyooo

Take big strips of aluminum foil and smoosh them into place, hot-gluing as you go. You'll get the hang of it pretty fast, I promise; the foil is almost like stabby clay, so it sculpts surprisingly well.

Use that center cross brace as a guide; it'll help you keep both sides symmetrical.


When you're done you'll have a fresh Porg burrito, the first of many hilarious visuals to come:



Oh right, and you can see how I used foam board & foil to make some webbed toes sticking out.

Now it's time to get in touch with your inner first grader and paper maché, baby:

Now it's a mummy porg. Quick! Someone summon Rick O'Connell!

I don't have a process pic since my hands were pastier than usual, but I used white paper from a big construction roll, then mixed flour and water into a pancake batter-like paste. I feel like we're supposed to add something besides just flour and water for the paste, though, so maybe google that.

Once the paper maché dries sand off any sharp edges, then get ready to cover your porg mummy with clay.

As usual I failed to get a water-based substance to work for me, but here's a photo of my porg cake after I frosted it with "Elasto Patch" non-cracking drywall compound:

Guess what. It cracked.

So next I covered it with what I should have used to begin with: a 2-part "sculpting epoxy dough" called Free Form Air. It's like Apoxie Sculpt - which you could also use - but lighter and squishier, like aerated foam. I can't find a comparable product on Amazon, so here's the link to our local supplier. (They ship, but if you live in Central Florida you'll want to make the trip; Reynold's is a prop-maker's playground.)

Whatever brand you choose, I recommend always having a 2-part epoxy clay in your craft arsenal. It never cracks no matter what you layer it over, so it's perfect for covering wire/foil armatures or anything too large for oven-bake clay.

I used the epoxy putty to flesh out the face, sculpt the muzzle, and add the Porg's eyes, which are cut from plastic Christmas balls. Oh yeah. Porgeous.

Next John turned our thin sheet of insulation foam into a nice thick slab by hot-gluing on some side panels:

I made the side control panels out of more foam board. The Dollar Tree brand foam board has the best a-peel; you can peel the paper backings right off and get a great carving foam:

I printed a button template, then traced it onto each panel with a sharp clay tool.

Yes, they're all the same, and this is about all the detail they're getting. John and I have to keep reminding ourselves to rein it in, since this is essentially a joke costume and we have zero chill.

(Oh hey, that pun was accidental! SCORE.)

Next I painted everything solid matte black, let it dry, and followed up with cheap silver craft paint:

I didn't want a silver that was TOO silver, because Carbonite isn't shiny; it's more of a grungy pewter finish.

And here's our finished frozen blobby boi!

I told John we should hide a speaker in the slab that plays muffled screams, and I've never heard such horrified laughter in my life.





Which reminds me, we DO need a good reason for transporting a frozen Porg, so, any suggestions? I'm thinking he got bit by something poisonous, so we froze him 'til we could get to the antidote. Somebody help me come up with a ridiculous Star Wars name for what bit him, though, or for another funny ailment. (Maybe Pentapox, for the Last Airbender fans? :D)

BONUS: Just as I was typing this up John came squeaking in with his newly constructed Carbonite Conveyance Cart, check it out:

This gives you a better idea of the scale.

The cart will be painted to look like battered metal.

Want to see some of the cart's special hidden features?

BEHOLD:

CUP-HOLDERS!

Every cosplayer who's ever marathoned 6 hours on a con floor is at least a little turned on right now. Aw yeah. HYDRATION IS THE STUFF, my darlings. I may even add a snack pouch in there, mmmm.

We're hoping to add a little more magic near the top, because the porg won't be the only animal on the cart. Riding on the Carbonite slab will be a baby Salacious Crumb with some truly comical injuries, can't wait to show you.

If you follow my Stories you've also gotten an eyeful (snerk) of our third big animal build, which I'll reveal soon.

Sooooooon.

I hope this made you laugh and has you excited for the rest of our groan-worthy Boba Vet cosplay, gang. In fact, hang on, I think I can share one last giggle with you....

::Checks with John to see if it's finished::

Oh sweet, it's done! Ok, here's the logo on Dr. Boba's lab coat:



Luke's tauntaun with the stitches up the belly, omigosh. Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this hilarious.

Our amazing artist friend Bianca drew the tauntaun, and once John was done with the logo we all agreed it had to become a t-shirt, if only so I could wear one while being John's cosplay handler. So, final bonus, here it is in t-shirt form:

The bottom reads, "We'll leave you in stitches!"

Because of course we added another pun. How could we not? :p

 I've added this to the Epbot Threadless shop, so you can order one of your own if you like, in your choice of cut and any color. We also have a bunch of Epbot tees there, if you're looking to have more cute robots in your closet.

Next post I'll be sharing my first cosplay photos in a VERY long time, and I can't wait to tell you all about the experience and the dancing and the happy tears. Stay tuned!