"More Than A Body": The Book I'd Like Every Body To Read

Back in 2019 I published "No Pictures, Please: The Thing About My Face," and started a long overdue conversation here about self-hate. It was... eye-opening. No, it was more than that. It was a revelation. It turns out I wasn't alone, or even in the minority; it turns out most of us don't like the way we look, and our struggles range from nagging to life-destroying.

Since then I've been plugging away at my "Self-Hate Battle Plan", a 7-pronged approach I came up with to combat self-hate. My progress has ebbed and flowed, but slowly and surely, I'm both recognizing and knocking the teeth out of the lies I used to live by.

One of the best parts of my plan was following Beauty Redefined on Instagram, a non-profit run by two PhD-holders advocating "body image resilience." Unlike Body Positivity, which wants everyone to know their bodies are beautiful, Body Image Resilience wants everyone to know they are more than their bodies. It's a seemingly subtle shift that makes an enormous difference, and I've found this approach so much more meaningful than #BoPo alone.

Beauty Redefined is run by twin sisters Lindsay & Lexie Kite, and they recently published a book. This book:

More Than A Body: Your Body Is An Instrument, Not An Ornament

I've just finished reading it, and I have 5 pages of notes and THINGS TO SAY. :D

First, this book is not a page-turner. It won't make you laugh. It's not even very comforting at first. In fact if this is your first introduction to a Body Image Resilience approach then I'm willing to bet this book will make you mad, or at least want to argue. I know I did, back when I first started following Lindsay & Lexie on IG. They have controversial stances on everything from the "wellness" industry to dress codes to sharing before-and-after weight loss pics.

So why should you read a book that's probably going to tick you off?

Because this book offers hope. Not the short-term, quick-fix kind of hope promised by the latest miracle fad, but a lasting hope that shows us how to get off the merry-go-round of shame and self-hate.

Body Image Resilience breaks with just about everything we've ever learned about beauty and self-image, so I'm not about to cram it all into one blog post. That would be too much too fast. I've had two years to sit with my discomfort, to research, to wrestle and ruminate over what I believe and what I want to believe - and I'd like you to have the same option of a slower pace. So instead of cramming everything in, let me just share 2 of my favorite snippets:

 

First, one of the most powerful things I've learned is how we objectify ourselves: how the world's beauty standards have split us in two, becoming both the observed and the observer. Every time we think about our appearance, we step outside ourselves. We leave behind how we feel IN our bodies to examine how our bodies look from the outside.

You and I both know this constant self-monitoring is exhausting. "Is my muffin top showing? Did my mascara smear? What's this wind doing to my hair?" It keeps us from getting caught up in the moments and joy of simply living: of letting out that belly laugh, or jumping out on the dance floor. We can't let loose and focus on our inner experiences out of concern over how we look to outsiders. By constantly imagining what other people see when they look at us, we become the outsider.

Another section that hit me hard is the one on "health and beauty," and how those words have become inseparable, despite having almost nothing to do with each other. Lexie and Lindsay take a much needed deep dive into how we - and often even our health care system -  tend to judge health solely by appearance, and how incredibly dangerous that is.

I certainly identify with the "If I can't get visible results, then why would I exercise?" mentality, as well as the feelings of shame that prevent me from being more active, both because of the clothes I think I'd have to wear (like workout gear) and because I won't like how I look in the process of moving around.

Click here to read through

 

I love that More Than A Body doesn't just explain the problem, but offers tangible suggestions we can put into practice right now. Things like curating our social media feeds to cut down on harmful messages, and how to re-phrase compliments to focus more on a person's worth and talent instead of how they look. For fitness they recommend goals that have nothing to do with weight or appearance: things like better lab tests and increased abilities. There's also a great section on choosing clothes that won't cause us to self-objectify while we're being active (and even when we're not.)

Those are just two areas the book covers. There's much, much more.

If I had one wish for 2021, it would be for everyone  - and especially every woman - to read More Than A Body. Read it, wrestle with it, talk about it with your friends. However, if you don't have the funds to buy a book right now, there is another way - a free way - and that's to follow the Beauty Redefined Instagram account. Most of what's covered in the book is in the account, conveniently packaged in bite-sized chunks. (The book is a dense read, not gonna lie.) So if the book seems too much right now, at least hit that follow button on Instagram. Take that small step to overcoming self-hate, both for yourself and for the people you love.

 

Over the past 2 years Lindsay and Lexie's posts - and now their book- have steadily shifted my thinking to a healthier, more grounded place. I'm more focused on my inner value, on the things I do that last. It often still stings when I see myself, not gonna lie, and I still grieve the loss of that "future me" I used to chase -  the one who's a size 6 and pore-less with giant Bambi eyes and a razor sharp jawline - but I can see now how that "future me" is a mirage I've been using to torment myself. Not only that, she's a mirage others have been using to torment me in the name of profit - and that cannot stand.

I still have a long way to go, but I want this same freedom and perspective shift for each and every one of you. I want you to know you are so much more than what you see in the mirror. That your true value is in who you are and how you love others. That you aren't here to decorate the world, you're here to change it. 

 

I want that for all of us. And I can't wait to see what we'll do once we have it.

::Squeezy Bear Hugs For All Who Need It::


*****

P.S. Congratulations to Kim T, Siobhan H., & Sarah G., our Squeegineer winners for the month of March! Please check your inboxes for a message from John, you three, so you can choose your prizes.