Let's Get Serious About Celebrating Silly Stuff

Yesterday I did a little phone detox - I left my cellphone in the nightstand all day - and tried to embrace the silence and stillness when I wasn't working.

Then when that got too boring, I picked up a book.

It was a self-help book - too soon to say if I recommend it or not - and the first chapter was about the "discipline" of joy, a phrase that made my nose wrinkle. Twelve years of a panic disorder have taught me we can't make ourselves feel anything - not happy or calm or safe -  so I'm suspicious of things that seem to say otherwise. Emotions aren't a matter of sheer willpower, no matter how many times people tell you to "lighten up," "calm down," or "just be happy."

Fortunately that's not what the chapter was saying, though; instead it suggested adding more celebrations to our lives: scheduling things big or small that bring us joy, and then taking the time to really relish them. That's where the discipline comes in: instead of waiting around hoping to feel happy, you make a schedule of things that generally make you feel happy, and stick to it. Not just long-term celebrations to look forward to like holidays, but daily things. Little things. Like a music & dance break at noon, or a phone call with someone who lifts you up every Thursday night. It could be planning Disneybounds, a trip to Target, a game night with friends over Zoom, or making all your favorite meals for a week. The trick is to make them regularly scheduled.

This lines up with what what I've learned through CBT, or Cognitive Behavioral Theory. In one exercise I kept a "pleasure log" of everything I did in a day, from making breakfast to scrolling Instagram. As soon as I was done, I'd rate each activity by how much I enjoyed it, and/or how much satisfaction it gave me. When I tried this I found I didn't like watching TV and scrolling online as much as I thought I did - but on the flip side, I learned I enjoy everyday tasks like making breakfast and vacuuming a lot more than I expected. They don't make me jump for joy or do a chair dance, of course, but they do give little hits of satisfaction, that kind of "ahhhh" feeling you get from placing the last puzzle piece.

CBT taught me to prioritize these "high satisfaction" tasks, but it stopped short of suggesting regular celebrations. I like that word. Celebration. According to Google, a celebration is "marking one's pleasure at an important event by engaging in enjoyable activity." So basically, an excuse to do fun stuff.

Hmm.

What if we decided more things were an excuse to do fun stuff? Could we do that?

Back in 2015 my friend Tony spent the entire year celebrating a different holiday every day. He called it The Celebrate! Project, and would make signs saying "Happy Chocolate Brownie Day" or whatever and literally go stand in the middle of a highway with it. Not only that, he'd do something special to fit each holiday's theme, often bringing along different friends to celebrate with him.

At the time most of us thought Tony was pretty out there with this project, but I dare you to look at these pictures and not feel a big ol' spark of joy:

(See the rest in Tony's Facebook album here)

Tony is quite possibly the most brilliantly creative person I know, as well as the most encouraging and enthusiastic  - but that doesn't mean this project was a skip-and-giggle. It didn't just happen. It took an enormous amount of time and planning. It took discipline.

Does that make the joy any less?

Back when I first introduced Movie Nights on Discord I planned to make those mini-celebrations for myself. I'd dress up or have themed food or crafts, just something silly to look forward to. And for a little while, I did it. I made a dress out of our bedroom curtains for Enchanted, I wrestled John while dressed like the Dread Pirate Roberts for Princess Bride.

Even during some of the most soul-sucking times of 2020, those little celebrations brought me light and laughter. But I've let them lapse. They took time, so I let myself get too busy, too preoccupied. I told myself it was too silly, that no one cared if I did the extras. And maybe it doesn't matter to anyone else, but I can see how my own life has been less happy without them. I need the silly stuff. I need something to look forward to, no matter how small. I think we all do.

Last week John and I made a special trip to buy ourselves 4 Crumbl Cookies, and let me tell you, it was a celebration. We planned for it, discussing all the flavor possibilities as we narrowed down our choices, we looked forward to it the whole next day, and then we drove out together that night, chatting and laughing. Somehow we made it an event.

It's a celebration if we say it is, bots. It's a celebration if we take the time to relish it.

One of the best things I've learned from Brené Brown is to be intentional. It's fine to veg in front of the TV or TikTok, but make sure that's what you're choosing to do. My default in times of stress is to numb out with whatever's easiest, with whatever takes the least amount of effort. Usually that's staring at my phone. But that's rarely what I *want* to do, and hours later I'm just as stressed and miserable.

But supposing I had on the schedule that it was time to go play a video game, or shop online for something fun, or chat with a favorite friend? All things I'd much rather be doing, things I know will recharge my batteries so much more than endless scrolling.

So you know what? This weekend I'm brainstorming celebrations. I'm looking for any and all excuses  to do fun stuff, preferably a little silly, and then I'm going to schedule them like official appointments. Crumbl Cookie runs are on the list. So is taking music breaks to dance with the cats, Ridiculous Craft time (I want to make a sock gnome, WHAT), calling my Grandma, and dressing up once a week in something colorful, just 'cuz.

The more I think about it, the more I see how experiencing joy does take discipline. Like a muscle, it needs regular training. We have to be intentional about it, dig in and really make an effort to fill our time with those things that fill us up, not wait for the world around us to magically align to our liking. (Because, spoiler: it never will.)

So tell me, what will you celebrate today? What will you celebrate tomorrow, next week?

Now the hard part: Will you put those things on your calendar? Will you set an alarm? Will you invite someone to celebrate with you? Will you celebrate out loud, to inspire other folks to do the same?

Let's try, bots. Let's get serious about being silly. Let's practice the discipline of celebrating. If you need ideas, Google "wacky holidays" - that's always a good start. Or make up your own with your favorite fandoms!

And hey, if you're stumped on things to celebrate today, here's one last suggestion from Tony:

He's right, you know. And that's always worth celebrating.

P.S. Go follow Tony on Instagram if you like cool stuff; he tells me some amazing new projects are in the works!

*****

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