Real Talk: How We're Doing In Florida's Lockdown, Plus John's Transformation

Yesterday I was reading how content creators shouldn't be carrying on like everything is normal, because that reads as phony and insincere. But on the other hand, as a reader myself, I know a lot of us are social media distancing to keep away from nonstop virus coverage.

I think it has to be a balance, which I'm still figuring out here on Epbot. My goal has always been to share uplifting fandom finds and help you escape for a while, but also to share when life gets messy and hard, so you remember we're here with you.

The truth is, John and I are doing really well right now in isolation. We're at about... 25 days in, I think? I definitely had some anxiety earlier on, but that was largely triggered when we thought a close friend had Covid, and I missed a therapy session that would have helped me talk it out. Our friend's test results took an excruciating 10 days - while she was still getting worse - and the waiting and watching the news sent me to a dark, panicky place of anger and helplessness.  Happily the test results finally came in negative, though - so she "only" has bad bronchitis - and that combined with my getting serious about avoiding the news and resuming weekly counseling via Zoom has left me in a much better, more stable place.

(I've been thinking of doing a roundup of all my favorite outfit photos so far this year. Yes? No?)

John and I tried taking evening walks around the neighborhood to get out of the house a little, but the pollen count is so bad that I was having painful allergic reactions afterward (earaches & sinus pain), even though I'm on Flonase, Zyrtec, AND neti-potting. Arg. At a loss for what else to do, I've resorting to staying inside 24/7 with the windows shut. I miss the fresh air, but my one ear was hurting pretty badly after each walk, and it's better now that I'm staying inside. (Any of you get allergy-related ear pain? What do you take?)

I feel perpetually behind on work, but that's normal; I always feel like that, ha. I'm also very aware of the pressure most of us feel to be doing ALL THE THINGS, as if we're somehow failing if we haven't mastered a new skill or reorganized the whole house yet. I'm trying to be gentle with myself, and let go of the days when I can't make myself do much. I keep reminding myself I still have a job, and it's enough if I keep both blogs running without any major meltdowns. Staying focused is SO HARD, though, now that nearly everyone I know is online and bored. Sweet Stay Puft, I thought the internet was distracting before.

 

I've started staying up all night, since there are less interruptions and distractions when most of the U.S. is asleep. I'm a night owl anyway, so I'm only shifting forward about 4 or 5 hours, heading to bed after I watch the sun rise. I've joked with friends that I'm living my best vampire life, since this is my one chance to live like time has no meaning. Because it doesn't! Seriously, that's kind of freeing, although I'm going to have one mean case of jet lag when the clock actually matters again.

The cats are doing great, and make our lives better every day. Each afternoon John lets them in one by one to climb up onto my chest in bed and get their "morning" snuggles. Usually it's Eva first, and then The Beast:

Best alarm clock ever.

Suki will cuddle with me for a good 30 minutes if I let her, then she hops up onto the headboard to snooze some more while I get dressed.

Eva has been squeezing herself under my monitor stand again like she did as a kitten... except she's a little bigger now.

"Ehhh, EH!"

She only scrabbles her way in there when I'm trying to work, of course, with her paws kicking out and sending my keyboard and mouse skidding off the desk.

Then she gives me this look:

 "See? I told you I could fit."

You can also see she's great at collecting alllll the dust under there.

[Trigger Warning: Discussion of gym workouts & physical body changes ahead!]

As for John, he's used to leaving the house multiple times a day, since he's the shopper and errand-runner, so this has been a bigger adjustment for him. Surprisingly the hardest part was giving up the gym, since John kept up an astounding streak of nearly 4 months of nightly workouts, only missing a handful of days since last November.

In fact, let me back up on that, because I think you guys will like this story:

You all know the reason I'm in therapy is for my anxiety, and more specifically because of the explosive panic I had last August when I found John had stopping breathing in his sleep. (It was a whole thing, you can read about it in the "Apnea" post on the right sidebar over there.) We got John on a CPAP machine as quickly as possible, but even then I've had a long road of recovery through my obsessive fears. So a few months later in November, John gave me the greatest gift he's even given: he started going to the gym every night. He told me my Christmas present was going to be a healthier husband who was going to live longer, so I wouldn't have to be so afraid of a life without him. 

Hang on, it's a little dusty in here...

Now, John's gone to the gym before, so I'll admit I was skeptical at first. But he kept going to the gym, night after night after night - even when I told him to take a break, he went. Even at 3 in the morning, he went. He already made all our dinners at home, but I noticed John started cutting back on his 7-11 junkfood runs, and tracking what he ate each day with an app on his phone. He'd excitedly tell me new milestones: the amount he could bench press now, how long he could go on the elliptical, and yes, the pounds dropping off.

The milestone that drove it all home for me, though, came about two months ago when John told me his new resting heart rate. It had dropped from 90 to 60.

Sorry, must be allergies this time. ::blowing nose::

When the day came to self-quarantine, giving up the gym was the hardest sacrifice for John. He'd come to love it, and it was part of his daily routine that always made him feel good. I remember talking it over together, and telling him to keep going if he really wanted to. (He always went between 1 and 3AM, when few people were there anyway.) "No," he said after a while. "It's not worth the risk. I'll figure something out."

Since then, John has developed his own workout routine here at home using my treadmill desk, a yoga mat, and a few free weights. He tells me it's actually a harder routine than he ever had at the gym, and he's even added in a quick run around the block that he claims to love(?!).  He's continuing to get stronger, and his breathing - which used to be loud and even labored sometimes when he played video games - barely makes a sound. He's stopped tracking what he eats in isolation, because he doesn't need to; everything we eat at home is healthier than what we'd eat out anyway.

I'm not going to post before-and-after pictures of John, because even though he's lost over 30 pounds so far, the things we should be most proud of don't show up in pictures: things like strength and stamina, lower blood pressure, lower resting heart rate, and stronger lungs. These are the things that matter, and I am so, so proud of John. Proud, and incredibly grateful. I don't think he would have done this just for himself, but he saw my terror each night, and he let that fuel something healing for both of us. C'mon. What greater gift is there?

Not a before-and-after, but I *will* post this fabulous photo series of John and Suki from yesterday:

Can you tell Suki is used to this? Ha! We just carry her around to present to each other at random times throughout the day. Eva, too.

Well, gang, I think I'll end there. I hope this update made you smile, and reminds you to hang on to your loved ones even when you're all grumpy with cabin fever. John and I are incredibly fortunate to be able to stay safe at home, so let me say thank you, again, to everyone working with the public right now. You are our heroes, thank you for keeping us safe and fed and cared for.

And to everyone else: I wish you every bit of happiness and health during this time of our world being upside down. If you can, stay home, and tip your delivery people well. Call your mom. Video chat with friends. Sleep. Crank up your favorite song and belt it to the cats. Look for the silver lining in these storm clouds, even if it's something as ridiculous as staying up all night and eating brownies for breakfast - because, remember: Time is an illusion, breakfast doubly so. 

Love ya.

 ::mwah::

******

P.S. If you're sheltering at home and staying inside, then odds are you're not getting enough sunlight and vitamin D. Even when I *did* leave the house - and remember I live in the Sunshine State - I still had the lowest level my doc had seen in months, because I cover most of my skin when I go outside.

I tried taking vitamin D pills first, but they wreaked havoc on my gut. Then I discovered vitamin D oil, and never looked back. This brand is my favorite, I've been taking it for over 5 years:

 Vitamin D3 & K2 Liquid Drops

I like the added peppermint flavor, but you can also get it unflavored. One bottle will last over a year if you take 2 drops per day. I actually take 5 drops, but don't take that much without a doctor's order! I get regular blood tests, which show my D level is in the high normal range, so this stuff definitely works. Without a blood test, stick to the recommended 1 or 2 drops per day. Or, even better, and if you can: go out and get some sun for 30 minutes a day! That's the free way. :D