We Went To An Epic Game of Thrones Dinner Party! ...But We Don't Watch The Show, So Please, EXPLAIN

John and I just had the most AMAZING Game of Thrones dinner experience, but it's not fair because we don't watch Game of Thrones, so I'm going to share all the goodness here and trust you guys will appreciate it even more than we did.

First, a little background:

Our friends John and Anna love to host big dinner parties, and every Christmas, Easter, & Thanksgiving they throw open their home to all of us without family in town. They're basically our adopted local parents. In reality they're our friend Christie's parents, but now we lay claim and she has to share. 

Now, trust me, with Anna's cooking, you do NOT miss one of their dinners. Even if the theme is for a show you've never seen, like Game of Thrones.

And let's get this out of the way real quick: John and I (that's my John, not host John) aren't GoT people. I'm squeamish and easily traumatized, and John won't watch anything with sexual violence, so GoT is a non-starter. Which is cool, just like it's cool if you like the show. Different death strokes for different folks, eh?

That does mean we were clueless over pretty much everything at the party, though, so bear with me as I explain stuff I know NOTHING about.

Oh, but I did find what I think is a pretty sweet hostess gift:

There are versions of this on Etsy where they'll add in a custom name if you have more time, but since I only had a week I ordered this one from Amazon. And it's so pretty!

This wasn't a costume party, but that's never stopped me and John before. He brought & distributed all our fur cowls from our Knights Who Say Ni cosplays:

(Goes great with a polo, right?)

(The sword belongs to our hosts, and is SUPER heavy.)

Meanwhile I did my best with what I had in my closet:

I wore my Hufflepuff cup necklace, because of course I did.

Now, let's set the stage at John and Anna's place:

Their house is lovely, for starters, and their decor is already kind of Thronesy, from what I can tell. (Anna is originally from Estonia, and they've traveled all over.) John even has furs and big swords mounted on the wall in his game room, ha.

 The plates and cups were especially in theme:

 

And the table was set with candles, dragons, coins...

... and fun miniatures:

You'll see the bread in a minute. It's worth the wait, I promise!

We got there early that day to play Borderlands together (told you they're awesome), but here's the table later with everything lit up:

Not related to the party, but look how pretty:

I'm biased, since I bought this for Anna at an antique shop a while back. (Plus we painted all the walls! Just doing our part to keep getting invited to dinner, ha.)

I love their Steampunk Mr. Toad art:

And I don't understand why shirtless Jeff Goldblum was out, but I'm not complaining:

#DecoratingGoals

Ok, I've made you wait long enough. Let's get to:

THE FOOD.

This was the head of the appetizer table, pun intended:

Ned's heads were chocolate dipped donut holes:

 

You can't see it, but I'm shaking my (attached) head at this entire fandom right now. While giggling.

Apparently Westeros is a terrible place to be headed.

(Does that joke work? Westeros is a place, right?)

We also had:

I'm getting hungry again just looking at these.

Drinks!

"Bend the Mead" was my favorite pun - probably because it's the only one I understood. (They also had "Milk of the Poppy," and if that's a euphemism... don't tell me.)

Here's what a Red Wedding looked like:

Robyn (John & Anna's other daughter) mixed these up custom, and added a splash of red food coloring to each glass. I honestly don't remember what was in these... which may be a good sign?

There were little gummy snakes all over the table, but I can't remember why. I'm guessing someone will explain in the comments, though. 

I'll also go out on a limb here and guess that GoT fans aren't easily offended, so... ENJOY:

We did have someone explain the reference, yes, and again, SHAKING MY HEAD AT ALL OF YOU. Shame! SHAAAAAAME.

Tasty little wieners, though. (And sausage balls, yum!)

If you're lost, head to the comments; I'm sure someone there will do the honors. Though you might be better off not knowing, lol.

Those were all just the appetizers we snacked on while milling around and chatting. Now on to the sit-down part of the meal:

This one I *kind* of know, because of this cosplay:

That's Beverly; she & her daughter Merrill are Epbot fans, so I've seen them the past few years at Dragon Con with this cosplay. (And they are THE best. Seriously. Mother-daughter goals.)

Still not sure what she did, though. Huh.

 Pie for an entree AND dessert? Yes, please.

We also had this trio of savory pies:

The beef curry was sooooo gooooood.

Apparently the Tarley Family died in a fire? So the morbidly hilarious theme continues.

(As John was proof-reading this post for me I heard a sudden shout of laughter from across the house. "They died in a fire?! THAT IS SO WRONG! Bahahaha!"

Yes, John, yes it is.

:D

Oh! Here's a real show-stopper: LOOK AT THE DIRE WOLF BREAD:

We each got our own, and we had homemade cinnamon and blueberry butters to go with it. Oof. So good.

My other favorite was the Winterfell Honey Chicken:

I need to ask Anna for this recipe... and then get John to make it.

We're not even CLOSE to finished with the meal, but we took a break here to go play a game. The game was called, "I Drink And I Throw Things" - another reference I actually understood, GO ME. 

I think this is essentially Beer Pong: We were told to stand across the room and chuck ping pong balls at a drinking glass. The ball had to bounce at least once before landing in the glass.

As it turns out, this was completely impossible.

There were 10 of us playing, and by round 5 we'd moved up to within two feet of the glass,  added a second cup to double our chances, and STILL it was impossible.

This is on their back porch - and there were 9 of us back here cheering and yelling.

We were informed that dessert would not be served until someone won, so our attempts grew ever more desperate. We were all laughing at the futility of it all, hurling the ping pong balls - sometimes a few at a time - with the increasing conviction that this could not be done.

Then, when we were on round 6 or 7, so at least twenty minutes and SEVENTY TRIES later... you guys, it finally happened.

As if in slow motion, my ping pong ball bounced once, twice, and then... plink! Right in the glass. NOTHIN' BUT NET, BABY.

You have never seen a celebration like the one that followed. The room ERUPTED. We screamed. We fist-pumped and double-high-fived. I think I did a victory lap. It lasted a solid two minutes. I even took a celebratory selfie, where my attempt at a badass smirk ended up looking more "mildly perturbed":

IT WAS ME

Really I think we were just relieved we could finally have dessert... until Anna reminded us there were TWO prizes, so someone else had to win.

I'll spare you the next many minutes, but get this: the second person to win... WAS JOHN. So the two people who don't watch GoT won the two GoT glasses, ha. (Plus our own "Deal with It" glasses, so that's a plus.)

Ok, now let's head back inside for our just desserts:

Look how beautiful! And all handmade by Anna!

These were my favorite. Nommmz.

Declared the best Blueberry Tart any of us had ever had.

Here's a look at my dessert plate:

(I'm bad at serving pie. What.)

And then, after we were stuffed beyond belief, out came the FINAL dessert course, "Oberyn's Surprise."

Look at that piping detail! That's all Christie's handiwork; she helped her mom make these the day before. The teeth are little almond slices.

Again, I've never seen the show, don't know who Oberyn is, so this really WAS a surprise. We were instructed to put our thumbs on Oberyn's eyes, and...

SURPRISE!

Also, ew.

The insides were strawberry jello, which is surprisingly tasty with chocolate - who knew?

And THAT, my friends, was our epic Game of Thrones dinner. I'll leave you with a fun group shot I took of our merry band pre-feast:

Host John is next to my John on the right, and Anna is in the back, mid-window. If you ever get a chance to meet them, be SUPER nice, maybe offer to play Fallout 76 with John, and you, too, might get to feast with us some day. ;)

(Thank you again, John & Anna! Love you both!)

******

If you'd like to help support Epbot and keep ridiculous posts like this coming, then please use my Amazon links to shop! (USA, UK, Canada.) It costs you nothing, but helps pay a few bills around here - which means the world to me and John. Thanks, gang! Love y'all to Westeros and back.