Let's All Facebook Stalk My New Best Friend Who Doesn't Know I Exist

Fair warning: I'm about to cross the streams by showing you a funny cake. Or rather, something hilarious ABOUT a cake. Something that made my whole weekend, so you MUST SEE.

It all started with this Instagram post:

This beautiful geode cake is available NOW in Maple Grove. Only ONE! 4” round vanilla cake iced with vanilla buttercream. $65. Serves 6. Call to reserve over the phone before it's gone! 763-575-8885 ext 8

A post shared by Nadia Cakes (@nadiacakescupcakes) on Jan 27, 2018 at 2:07pm PST

...which started a veritable firestorm of "OMG LOOK A VAGINA" comments.

Now, speaking as someone who's seen more than her fair share of unintentional pastry p...er... hoo-haws, I think this one's a stretch. (HEYOOOO.) However, I've also learned the internet thinks EVERY geode cake is vag-tastic, so I'm not too surprised.

What did surprise me was the way the baker, Nadia's Cakes, responded:

 

And just like that, I knew I was in for a good comment thread.  

(Quick shout-out to Marcella Gossen for sharing these screenshots!)

Only 50%? Dang, she should hang out with the Cake Wrecks crowd sometime. 

At this point I figured the baker was done. Maybe a little irked, but mostly resigned to her cake's fate and ready to move on to other posts.

BUT NO. 

Instead, she proceeded to have way too much fun with people:

 

Sweet Stay Puft, turning an internet pile-on [snerk] into solid-gold advertising? THIS WOMAN IS A GENIUS.

Tell me some of you wouldn't pay up.

At this point I'm ready to hand over my CW crown, you guys. That or propose.

NEW LIFE PHILOSOPHY.

Nadia Cakes later clarified there WAS no cute mushroom cake - and no plans to make one - which I know was a huge let-down for her followers, but hey, it happens to everyone, it's not a big deal, and maybe the bakery was really cold... or tired.

Anyway, since I happen to have this handy archive of 20,000 cake photos right here in front of me, LET ME HELP:

 I hear they're really fun guys.

(Again, that is NOT a Nadia Cake. It's a CW submission from years ago. I know how these internet rumors can mushroom.)

Is there such a thing as exasperated advertising? Exaspertising?

Again referencing my nearly decade-long experience with far-too realistic fondant pubic hair... she's not wrong.

And finally, while you'd fully expect this cake to have a happy ending (YES I WENT THERE), it does not. No, somehow, incredibly, it didn't sell:

Alas, poor vag-geode cake, we barely knew you.

Right, while we're all regaining our composure, let me introduce you to the literary genius behind Nadia Cakes - and also my new best friend - Abby Jimenez. You should go follow her on Facebook, because it turns out, yes indeedy, she is always that funny:

My love for this women is true.

Abby, I think I speak for all 25,000 of us here when I say:

******

IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS UPDATE:

Abby knows I exist! We're totally new besties now, AND we're forming a gang of awkward introverts who wear (labia) pink on Wednesdays. Also she's in the process of making that mushroom cake after all, and will be sending out unsolicited photos of it very soon. YESSSS.

 

Follow the ongoing saga over on Facebook - and be sure to follow Abby, too, for mildly obscene 'shroom pics. [eyebrow waggle]