[Note: I actually wrote this yesterday, but it felt too soon to post. Today is better, in more ways than one.]
I finally saw Zootopia tonight, and I can honestly say it's the firstPixar movie* to live up to the hype for me in a loong time. SO GOOD.
I finally saw Zootopia tonight, and I can honestly say it's the first
(*Correction: It's not Pixar. Oops. But hey, THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.)
I especially liked how it did NOT rip out my heart and stomp it into a bloody pulp, which I suspect has become Pixar's go-to MO. Instead I got this touching, thought-provoking message packed inside a candy coating of laughs, adventure, and fun. And I approve.
That said, I still got a little sniffly... um, over the song.
That's right, the pop song that happens like 10 minutes in, when Judy is entering the city for the first time. It's this ra-ra go-get-'em deal, super peppy, but the lyrics socked me right in the gut.
See, I had another bad night last night. My days are pretty great right now, but I'm still struggling to get past the dizzy spells - and the numerous resulting panic attacks - at night. In the light of each new morning (or, OK, afternoon), I feel like I can take on the world - that tonight is going to be better, and that I've totally got this. I feel charged and ready and invincible.
Then the night comes, and my head swims, and my body shakes, and all I can do is cower in fear, waiting and praying for morning.
So with that in mind, listen to this song:
I messed up tonight, I lost another fight
I still mess up but I'll just start again
I keep falling down, I keep on hitting the ground
I always get up now to see what's next
Birds don't just fly, they fall down and get up
Nobody learns without getting it wrong
I won't give up, no I won't give in
'Til I reach the end and then I'll start again
No I won't leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail
I still mess up but I'll just start again
I keep falling down, I keep on hitting the ground
I always get up now to see what's next
Birds don't just fly, they fall down and get up
Nobody learns without getting it wrong
I won't give up, no I won't give in
'Til I reach the end and then I'll start again
No I won't leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail
I messed up last night. I got cocky and didn't take my meds before it was too late.
I lost another fight.
But I won't give up, no I won't give in.
'Til the morning comes, and then I'll start again.
Look how far you've come, you filled your heart with love
Baby you've done enough, take a deep breath
Don't beat yourself up, don't need to run so fast
Sometimes we come last, but we did our best
Baby you've done enough, take a deep breath
Don't beat yourself up, don't need to run so fast
Sometimes we come last, but we did our best
I won't give up, no I won't give in
'Til I reach the end and then I'll start again
No I won't leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail
'Til I reach the end and then I'll start again
No I won't leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail
I'll keep on making those new mistakes
I'll keep on making them every day
Those new mistakes
I'll keep on making them every day
Those new mistakes
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Try everything
I'm going to find my "cure." I'm going to find what works.
I won't settle for fear, I won't give in.
I'll try anything, even though I could fail. Even though I will fail.
I'll try everything.
And now I'm going to go wash off these tears, take my monster-slaying swords, and face another night.
LOVE YOU JEN!!!! Got your back over here with thoughts and prayers. You're such an inspiration babe, you got this!
ReplyDeleteI liked the song too! But I feel obligated to point out that this is a Walt Disney Animation Studios movie, technically not a Pixar movie. Still good though!
ReplyDeleteOh snap, how did I miss that?! Of course, that means Pixar *hasn't* broken their heart-stomping streak with me yet. Heh.
DeleteI cried through a bit of Zootopia myself. Hugs Jen. Here's to a good night. Cheers.
ReplyDeleteI had the same reaction! As soon as I got home from the movie I bought it on iTunes and listened to it on repeat for days, and I play it every time I need to boost myself.
ReplyDeleteIt's not a Pixar movie, it's a Walt Disney Animated Feature film.
ReplyDeleteJen you are without a doubt WONDERFUL!!!!
ReplyDeleteAwwww, Jen. I know you'll figure it all out eventually, and I'm glad you won't give up until you do. You've got a huge pit-crew of loyal Epboteers to keep you running and offer all the support you need. Most importantly, you have John, your partner in monster-slaying and rainbow-glitter-shoes-hunting and cure-finding. You're a lucky girl, though I know it doesn't feel like it when you're in the middle of a panic attack or a bout of vertigo.
ReplyDeleteWishing you strength and peace. Sending you love and comfort.
KW
What made me tear up in the movie was Gazelle's "Give back the Zootopia I love" speech... and I can honestly say that the emotions behind it inspired me to reach out and make one more try at saving a friendship that was on the rocks, one I thought I might just have to give up on - and it worked.
ReplyDeleteI love the song, too - went and bought it about 10 minutes after I got home, just before I called that friend. I can already tell it's going to be a go-to song when I need a pick-me-up. Never underestimate the power of good music - and good friends. (Of which you, Jen, have many, even ones you've never met!)
Here's to all of us, all of our new mistakes, and all our willingness to keep trying anyway!
I had a really bad night a few weeks ago, where I was basically made redundant from a volunteer position (how is that even possible?!) and my husband played this song called "Such a Loser" by Garfunkle and Oats. It made me feel so much better, and this song reminds me of that! I really want to see Zootopia now!
ReplyDeleteI loved Zootopia! I may have seen it in theaters twice already. So I totally get what you're saying!
ReplyDeleteOh Jen, I feel your pain and frustration. I love 'Try Everything' too! It's on my Spotify playlist! I, too, messed up recently. I've been on my Anti-depressants for a long time and I can't take them forever, so I went to the docs and he told me how to wean off them. So I started doing that, but it didn't go well. It wasn't long before the anxiety and gut-ripping panic started appearing again. It's a trait I get from my Father, but he refuses to seek treatment for his violent episodes, and in the middle of my failed attempt to come off my meds, a thing happened. I was struggling, he's been a mess for years. I had an attack, which set him off, he hurt me in front of my Fiance. My family is in a mess now. I'm done with him. I can't bear it any more. I'm isolating myself because it's easier.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain, I do. *Hugs*
I'm so sorry for your hard times. Families aren't always easy (or worth it). I have a terrible father too. He's an alcoholic who refuses to get help, and we've given up trying. Now I rarely have any contact with him at all, and I've never felt better! Even though they're our family and parents, we're not responsible for their actions and should not take the blame for them. Do what makes you feel good and spend time with those who love you as you are and don't hurt you (physically or emotionally).
DeleteStay strong and hopefully today will be a better day.
*Hugs*
I don't have words to help, but here's a hug. ((HUG))
Delete-Just Andrea
I'm sorry Lex. Another hug ((((hug))) and a prayer for your peace and healing.
DeleteI had to cut off my mother recently because, even though I know she's not doing it intentionally, she hurts me very badly and undoes the years of work I've invested in myself. At the end of the day, we have to protect ourselves. Best of luck to you and know you are not alone.
DeleteI just wanted to say that you ROCK, Jen! <3
ReplyDeleteHi Jen!
ReplyDeleteI've noticed that being horizontal always makes my dizziness worse. Have you tried sleeping with a bed wedge or in a recliner? Non-drug, noninvasive, might help, can't make it worse for longer than the nights you try it. Hope the sinus/ear stuff gets cleared up Soon!
You are brave. You are strong. You got this! Don't give up. Don't give in. You haven't reached the end.
ReplyDeleteHUGS! You inspire me. We can battle monsters together, you in your corner and me in mine (anxiety, depression, dust bunnies), and when we're done this fight, we'll compare cool crafts and gather our energy for the next battle. I know that there'll be more fights ahead. I also know that it gets easier to face them knowing that there are others taking up arms, and that we have such strong support from people around us. Thank you and thank you and thank you for sharing your pain with us, and for sharing the triumphs too. You help us all in so many ways. More hugs!
ReplyDeleteThat just hit me in the feels.
ReplyDeleteHey you. Yes, you, Queen of Awesome. You are strong, you are brave, and you. Have. Got. This. We're all fighting our own fights, we all fall down, and we all have trouble getting back up sometimes. You know what though? We do. And we get up and come back stronger than we were before.
ReplyDeleteCan I tell you a secret? You inspire me. You inspire me to push myself to be better every day. I underwent weight loss surgery in August, and when I was having a rough time, I thought to myself, "What would Jen do? Would she sit here feeling sorry for herself, or would she go out and do something awesome?" And then I went out and did something awesome because I knew that was what you'd do.
You're amazing. Just remember that <3
I'm going to have to go see that movie. Great song -- and it seems so right for you. Especially right now. The good thoughts and prayers are still going up for you Jen.
ReplyDeleteMaureen S
Hang in there Jen, one breath at a time. You can do this.
ReplyDeleteI have PTSD and every now and then I have a run of nightmares. The last one recently woke me up and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't catch my breath for a few seconds. I was awake and aware that I couldn't breathe. I felt off kilter and unsettled for the whole day. By the evening I was becoming anxious about having to go to bed, so I took half a Xanax which took the edge off so I could settle. I did that for a couple more nights, and last night I went to bed without any Xanax - Wo0t go me! - and slept fine. I know that the nightmares will not stop, and I probably need to check in with my therapist again, but I try to handle it myself as best I can.
Just keep on keeping on <3
~ Crazy Mum ~
JEN! Maybe I read too much, but this sounds like the beginning of your very own hero story. I am so happy to read this (despite hoping that your dizziness had gone away). It is so true though: you are capable of overcoming it. You have the strength, despite the lost battles. Those are what craft the hero, unfortunately. The hero is just the one who doesn't give up.
ReplyDeleteJEN! Maybe I read too much, but this sounds like the beginning of your very own hero story. I am so happy to read this (despite hoping that your dizziness had gone away). It is so true though: you are capable of overcoming it. You have the strength, despite the lost battles. Those are what craft the hero, unfortunately. The hero is just the one who doesn't give up.
ReplyDeleteI love this song! And the sexy dancing tigers make me laugh so hard. You'll be ok. :)
ReplyDeleteGo Jen Go Jen Go Jen (cabbage patching over here)
ReplyDeleteGreat video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4STZCPuhf0
DeleteI feel the same way about this movie and we anxiety babes have to take our inspiration where it hits us! <3 go you!
ReplyDelete*hugs* I feel ya, Jen. This past week, I was off my routine and riding some fierce anxiety waves. I've been a fan a long time (remember the Oswald ears hat?), so I know you've got some underlying health issues too. But it breaks my heart reading about your struggles with panic attacks. I haven't seen anyone suggest this (but I apologize if it's a repeat), but this is what helps me and helps my friend that recommended it to me: Barry McDonagh's book, Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks. I have been debating commenting for months now, because I know you get tons of suggestions and advice. But the book (plus the free app with audios, nice bonus!) has been so helpful, I wish I could give a copy to every person with any anxiety. Something to consider, from a fan that's sending you love and support always.
ReplyDeleteI recently started having constant anxiety attacks--for reasons that I can't figure out, no less. I've gone to the doctor and they can't find anything wrong with me (that's good and bad, you know?) but a friend suggested something that has literally been saving my life: Lavender pills. It's all natural--it's just lavender oil in a gel cap--and I take two a day and it works, dear god in all the starry heavens it works. I can function during the day without anxiety spikes and even sleeping at night is easier. I still wake up with some low-level panicking, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was before. I really don't know what I would do without it. I don't know if it would work for you, like any anti-anxiety med it's a toss-up--but I buy them off amazon and for the amount of relief I feel the price is cheap-- $22 for a month's supply.
ReplyDeleteYou keep on keeping on, and know we're all here for you!
I lvoed Zootopia...and that song. When I am driving and need an emotional boost I blast that song loud. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you're having such a difficult time right now. You're brave and your strong and you'll find your cure. You'll find your way.
ReplyDeleteSlay.
Hugs!
"I'm going to find my "cure." I'm going to find what works.
ReplyDeleteI won't settle for fear, I won't give in.
I'll try anything, even though I could fail. Even though I will fail."
Wow! I so needed to hear that.
I have been fighting (and losing) a battle with depression. I'm finally starting to make some progress, but it gets so frustrating and exhausting. Thanks for the encouragement! We CAN get to the root causes of our issues and find cures. The trick is to not give up during the trial and error process.
Sending you lots of love! I found a cheesy pop song helped me some years ago- boyband called 5ive "Get on Up"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmT7jx4kP1s but more recently, I kicked arse by going to a Papa Roach concert by myself cos "Face Everything And Rise" was helping https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9z4DWB7Iy8
ReplyDeleteSo you just keep listening as long as it helps x
The quote I like for those "Well that day...could've gone better" days I think I saw somewhere on the Tube (of all places):
ReplyDelete"Last place is better than /didn't finish/ is better than didn't start"
Also, er, those backing dancer tigers...
Now I REALLY need to go see that movie! Thanks for sharing such a fun and inspirational video. I am sorry to hear you are still going through some rough times but you choose to get up and fight - which makes you a winner. Take your monster-slaying swords early, keep yourself busy (there are a whole lotta things at Dollar General that you can transform!) but give yourself some time to reflect and be quiet too. Hugs to you, John and the fur babies. And hugs to everyone out there who is going through some rough times - keep going, people do care what happens to you!
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYeah, for being a pop song, it is catchy, positive, and uplifting. I would put it alongside The Lego Movie's 'Everything Is Awesome' for both catchiness and sheer good vibes.
ReplyDelete... Oh sweet cheese and crackers, I just had a thought: Lego Zootopia. YES PLEASE.
I love that song (and the movie was pretty good, too)! You know what the world needs? Rainbow glitter shoes that play the song when you bounce your feet with enough force. Instant mood-booster :D
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad today is a better day! Also, I totally agree with you about Pixar's new MO. I think they are a little too heavy handed with the emotions these days.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in my worst days 30 years ago, and a little scared of the medicine I'd been given, a dear friend gently said, "Take your medicine." So I did, and life began again, slowly. It took about a year to get fully adjusted, and there have been tweaks and additions and subtractions over the years, but overall I've done everything I wanted to do. So, let me just say, gently, "Take your medicine." And I totally agree about ZOOTOPIA and the song!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you're still having issues, but thrilled to hear that you're getting a handle on them! I feel the exact same way about the movie and the song, especially the song. It just works whether your life is going great, or not so great, by reminding you that one failure isn't the end of the world. "Birds don't just fly; they fall down, then get up". Best. Lyric. EVAR!
ReplyDeleteBesides, it's Shakira. One does not simply dislike Shakira.
I really appreciate you sharing your story. It has helped me more times than I can count. I haven't seen Zooptopia yet, but I will be buying this song because it spoke to me and gave me the energy to make it through today. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing song, and you shared it at a PERFECT time for me. :) Thank you!
ReplyDeleteAnd as always, thank you for being open and honest with us. You are absolutely one of my favorite bloggers, and your openness means so much.
This song is a jam, and now I want to see Zootopia even more now.
ReplyDeleteThanks for always sharing your struggles, and for making me feel less alone with my anxiety.
Also, if you ever need more music to inspire, this song really reminds me of twenty one pilots (lyrically, not necessarily musically lol), Semi-Automatic and Truce especially. They're some of the best music for a reminder that "the horrors of the night melt away under the warm glow of survival of the day" (which, yes, is in fact a twenty one pilots lyric).
I know this is a little late, but this GIF is really supposed to help with anxiety. You breathe in when the object gets bigger, then out as it grows smaller. Helped me the other day.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mnn.com/health/fitness-well-being/blogs/feeling-anxious-gif-can-help
wish i had magic words to help. all i know is that you are not alone and that you are loved. thank you for sharing. you are appreciated.
ReplyDelete