As I stood there, yawning and scratching and being generally lady-like, something caught my eye. I turned my head slightly, and came nose-to-nose with a giant lizard, clinging to the sheer fabric that serves as my closet door.
Now, I am a strong, modern woman, and as such I let out a strong, modern shriek before backing into a shoe rack. It was then I realized I was stuck, since the lizard was essentially guarding my only exit.
Eventually I managed to shield myself with the fabric's edge and sidle by, escaping almost certain death by lizard ambush.
I was still shirtless, but now VERY awake, so I did the only sensible thing:
I grabbed my phone, screwed up my courage, and stuck an arm back through the curtain to get a picture.
Because pics or it didn't happen, that's why.
IT HAPPENED.
Here's where it gets really bad:
I was just considering doing something tragically heroic, when the lizard made a sudden, dramatic leap ONTO MY HANGING CLOTHES, skittered down a ways, and disappeared into the t-shirts.
Text to John: "A lizard just jumped into my hanging clothes in the closet. Time to burn down the house."
What actually followed was three tense days of paranoia, with John dutifully searching my closet several times a day, me triple-checking the bathroom before every use, and the cats being utterly useless.
"You want us to do what now?"
"Verra busy. Come back laterzzzzzz."
Then, on the third day, EUREKA! But here, you have to hear this in John's own words:
This update was a big hit with our FB friends, and my CW co-writer Sharyn even immortalized it in song:
So, to sum up: after a mad dash that destroyed much of my closet, John *did* catch the lizard, and safely released him outside to join all his lizardy kin.
I like to think the lizard is updating his own Facebook right now, with tales of screechy giants, soft clothes caverns, and utterly useless cats.
The End.
haha my parents live in Florida and we were just down there last week visiting and i had a gecko skitter across my foot when i checked under the cushion on her patio furniture. next time ill just sit on it! ugh!
ReplyDeletealso, dogs aren't much better--once my dog (who is usually a "mighty huntress" (or so she thinks)) was done sniffing the gecko she had pinned the first time we went to FL, she has wanted nothing to do with them. THOUGH she is OBSESSED with armadillos anytime she sees one. she corned one in my moms flowerbed 2 years ago and kept jumping on it in its balled-up state. (my mom kept telling her to KILL IT because its always digging up her yard) it hasn't been back since though to dog attack is super effective.
This completely made my day! Thank you for the laugh :)
ReplyDeleteThat is the funniest thing I read this week. Thank you for sharing the trauma of your heroic struggle against the reptilian invader.
ReplyDeleteI see your lizard in the house and raise you a tarantula in my boot.
ReplyDelete*wipes tears* So sorry for the endured Lizard Angst, but man, that just kept getting funnier and funnier.
ReplyDeleteIf I lived near you I would come get it! Lizards are awesome. If any earwigs, giant ants, or really large spiders show up, don't even bother to call. = )
ReplyDeleteMy niece, when she was about three was fascinated by the lizards she saw outside her house in Florida. One day, she found one that had had an unfortunate encounter with a car and was a lizard pancake. Gretchen scooped it up, called hin "Zippy" and told here mom she'd love him forever. Well, once Gretchen went down for her nap, her mom sent Zippy off to his relatives in the great Lizard House in the Sky. Gretchen still to this day thinks he ran away. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat story! John really has a talent for storytelling! Unwanted house-guests are the worst.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind little lizards so much anymore. I was working on an archaeological dig in the Caribbean one summer. In the first 10cm of each new unit we would find all sorts of creepy crawlies - baby tarantulas, other spiders, centipedes. It was gross enough that we all started wearing gloves when we screened those levels, but one time I forgot to wear mine and there was a baby tarantula chilling in my sifter just waiting for me to stick my hand in.
But suddenly a flash of green entered my screen, as a tiny lizard leapt from above and devoured the spider!
We would also get the tiny peeper frogs in the house when it rained. They were cute. Much better than the cockroaches and foot-long centipedes.
That is truly an epic tale. Who's going to play you guys in the movie? Who's going to play the lizard? :-D
ReplyDeleteOn the other end of the spectrum, I had a house lizard experience last year. He found his way in, and I thought to myself, a) he's pretty fast, and there are way too many hiding places in this house, and b) I dislike the spiders and bugs that sneak in from the Georgia woods here, and he eats such things. So, I said to him, "Well, I've never had a lizard-valet. You can try, if you like. I'll most likely throw you out in the morning." And so it continued for about 4 days, until I saw him, alive but nearly immobile in the bathroom floor. That's when I realized a third fact - we keep our house entirely too cold for cold-blooded creatures. I promptly returned him to the front porch to thaw. We still say hello when we see each other outside, though. :-)
The medal for the most brilliantly random use of PB quote goes to StormyRaine.
DeleteThe medal for the most brilliantly random use of PB quote goes to StormyRaine.
Deleteand this is why I love the comments on Epbot as much as the site itself. Bravo, StormyRaine!
DeleteStill burn down the house. *nods*
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad John's FB post was immortalized on Epbot. It deserved a wider audience. Also, I don't think you're appreciative enough of the cats' heroic efforts to keep it off the table. It looks like they stayed up there for days to keep it safe.
ReplyDeletegood kitties!!
DeleteThank you so much for being able to make fun of yourselves. That was the best laugh I've had in weeks, maybe months. And I laughed so hard because I totally see myself in your reactions. I am always completely immobilized when "the thing" is between me and my escape route.
ReplyDeletei would love that :) lizards are cute...hate spiders though
ReplyDeleteOh. My. Gosh! I just laughed so hard! And Sharyn's song, my stomach hurts!!
ReplyDeleteLizards in the house I don't mind we get a ton in Texas mainly the cute little house geckos. I can even handle spiders including tarantulas. Now scorpions is another matter entirely I will run and hide with the show of death in case it comes near me
ReplyDeleteWhen we lived in Texas, I had an experience where there was something crawling around under a newspaper, and I was terrified it was a scorpion. When I finally looked, it was just a gecko, and I was so relieved. So definitely could be worse.
DeleteAnd just for the record, I totally read John's post in my head in Don LaFontaine's voice.
I don't mind the lizards. I can't stand the Cuban tree frogs.
ReplyDeleteThis just made my pre-finals brain soooooooooooooo much happier! Thanks for the great story!
ReplyDeleteReading a stream of curse words always delights me; that's how you know it's a good story.
ReplyDeleteJust a few days ago as my kids and I were leaving the house, a lizard dropped seemingly from the clear-blue sky into the doorway and promptly ran into the house. It gave me a terrible fright. The only reason I didn't invent my own cursing combo was because it happened so fast all I could do was scream before it was gone behind my furniture. We had to leave right then to pick up my husband from work, so we just left. Luckily the second we came back, we spotted it lounging in the sun by our sliding glass door. We were able to sweep it outside with our broom without much trouble.
Wonderful! I'm still laughing - even though I find lizards adorable myself. (I might not be so cheerful if I had one leap suddenly at my face, but at arm's length I find them charming.) And of *course* the cats weren't helping, bless their furry little hearts...
ReplyDeleteGlad everyone - including you, John, the lizard, and (so far) the house - survived the encounter!
I'm just happy to see pictures of your amused cats. They do make industrial-strength Febreeze if you just wan to give your clothes a good once-over to get rid of any lizard cooties.
ReplyDeleteCentral Florida lizards are weeny compared to the monsters we get in south Florida! I've had multiple run-ins with Cuban anoles (aka knight anoles), brown basilisks (don't look them in the eye!), and even full size iguanas! True story - when I first moved to Miami from Gainesville, I thought a small bird had gotten into my office, because of the little poops I'd find scattered here and there. Turns out it was just medium-sized lizards! Pooping on my stuff!
ReplyDelete...and this is why I still live in Massachusetts. Less chance of either LARGE BUGS or SMALL LIZARDS getting into the house. Of course, we still have spiders. Those are useful, tho, so in general, we just name them and leave them alone. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm a Florida native, too, and even after living in FL my whole life, I still have not made peace with the anole lizards. They're just SO freaking creepy. I don't mind geckos; in fact, I even like them, but the anoles are fast and scaly, and those disgusting red throat flaps on the males really skeeve me out.
ReplyDeleteThe absolute worst part about having an anole in the house is trying to catch it carefully enough that its tail doesn't detach, because then OHMYGOD!UGH!ACK!GAAA! The tail will flail about on it's own like a dying snake, and the whole scene just makes you want to puke.
And, like your visitor, the anoles are prone to jumping right for your face or whatever other part of your anatomy is unclothed and between them and an escape route. I'm shuddering and cringing right now just thinking about it.
Can't believe you were even able to sleep with the lizard in the same room! (Unless your clothes closet isn't in your bedroom.)
Thanks for the hilarious descriptions, Jen and John. Sorry that this happened to you guys. But, you should really be happy that the cats didn't help. Half a bloody lizard corpse gifted to you upon your pillow would've been WAAAAAYYYY worse than an intact lizard running around your closet.
KW
This was awesome. And that caption under the first cat picture. Perfect!!
ReplyDeleteReplace "lizard" with "mouse" and I've got a similar story.... It ends with me and the cat sitting on the stairs watching through the banister as my husband clad in only his underwear chases said mouse around the living room at 2am. my daughter and the other cat slept through the whole thing.
ReplyDeletelaughed so hard I cried.
ReplyDeleteAnole lizards are not common here, but were where I lived in Louisiana. I did work for a little old lady there who said as kids, they would let them bite onto their ears and wear them like jewelery.
Here we do have Geckos here but my cats don't like insurance salescritters and kill them. Now I also get the occasional Scorpion, but the cats just look at them and tell me "Hey, scorpion walking over there" or show all the gumption of your feline masters.
The air like softened butter" <Giggle...with a mental picture of paula deen and a stick of butter in my head
ReplyDelete"he looks back at you. judging you. Because though eventually he may be caught he saw through your thin bravado to your cowardice" <i am glad I am on lunch other wise i would be written up for not working and reading epbot. LOL. I love this... and I am with you.. I would have just burned the house down.. or not slept until i completely emptied the closet found it and then been like well crap im not putting all this back away and then i'd take a nap on a pile of clothes.. lol
am also and born and raised Floridian and can say that the only creature I am truly scared of is these tiny vicious vindictive demons. And being the caring person I am I don't really like to see them suffer so I try to rescue them (only if there is no other soul around because otherwise I hide in another room til the coast is clear, even if that means sleeping on the couch)
ReplyDeleterecently my kindness was repaid with one chasing me out of my car, parked at home thankfully, when I attempted to chase him back out he made eye contact jumped across the floor ran up the middle console straight for my face. What. An. A hole. And people wonder why I hate them
no, no
Deletenot an A Hole, an Anole
oh, wait.... did you mean?
carry on
My Savannah girl likes to capture them on the back porch and eat their tails. Just the tail, mind you! Then she comes inside 10 minutes later and horks it up on the carpet. Good times! At least Tonk and LIlly made sure yours stayed off the dining room table! Nothing like earning their keep! How did Lilly's vet visit go, BTW?
ReplyDeleteWe have these all over our porch here in Georgia. I used to have one (anole) as a pet. I love them. It would be terribly startling to come face to face with one in a place they don't usually belong, though. Too bad we're so far away-- my cat Kai is an amazing lizard hunter and swiftly dispatches any that make it into the house, which distresses my son. So, lizards I don't mind. Spiders, scorpions.....those freak me out!
ReplyDeleteCan't. Stop. Laughing!
ReplyDeleteArizonian here ..... we have many lizards around as well. But we do have ONE cat who LOVES to catch them. Bandit - the great lizard hunter. He's so proud of himself when he gets one. But - have never had one in the house, I don't think I'd like that much. Wanna talk about scorpions ....
ReplyDeleteActually laughing so much reading this. We saw a few around WDW, but nothing up close.
ReplyDeleteMaybe next year! (That's right, just booked a return trip. Take that, "You know we're only doing this once" Past Phil)
Clare :)
While some read this and found it funny, I read it as if it were a horror story! I have a phobia about geckos, and a lizard is close enough. Eugh! Whenever I do yard work, I have to kick through bags and leaves and give the tiny horrors a chance to flee. If they're in the house...the husband is called or I get out the vacuum (and then leave it outside all day just in case). I even had one drop from the ceiling onto my bed once, though not on me because I'd still be going to therapy.
ReplyDeleteJen, this LITERALLY just happened to me! I don't even live in Florida. I live in Ohio. Seriously, thank you for this. After I missed a couple catching opportunities, I began Googling about lizards. (We are leaving for a three day vacation at 4 pm.) Due to Facebook's crazy matrix, this actually came through my timeline while I searching, instead of on Friday. I was reading this blog post as he was hiding behind our board games. I soon as I finished laughing, I finally caught him! Now he is back outside and I'm feeling like a lizard catching rockstar. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahaha!!!!! I am glad that you are finally (temporarily) lizard-free! Oh John...you are a trooper! Thanks for the giggles this afternoon!!
ReplyDeleteFirst day of the breakup of a relationship that I really thought was going somewhere. Thank you (and John) for making me laugh today. I didn't think it was possible.
ReplyDelete**hugs**
DeleteLaughing so hard!!! That was an awesome story! My family lives in south Texas and my uncles house always has little lizards running around the house. I think it's just a fact of life.
ReplyDeleteOh this MADE MY WEEK. Oops, sorry for the fear that nasty lizard caused. No,really, MADE MY WEEK.
ReplyDeleteStarting with the picture of Lily and Tonks. So here in Conn. we don't have icky lizards like that - I am so screaming with you,Jen. No - we have bats. Like floppy icky black winged creepy things that stupid cats bring to show off.
So very glad my step-dad did the "Man Job" and got rid of it. Shiver - still hate bats and lizards. But love you two!
Hee!! Thank you for making me smile.
ReplyDeleteI laughed as I read this. As a fellow Floridian (South Florida), I have seen all kinds of disgusting critters invade my home over the years. However, my 3 fierce kitty hunters are good at their jobs-sometimes TOO good. I once had one of those HUGE curly tailed lizards (Florida people know what I am talking about) in the house because my cat Toby brought it in from the screened patio and RELEASED it to play with it. The darned thing was so large that it was not at all alarmed when I walked up to it and tried to scare it out the door. I even nudged it with a broom and it just SAT there looking at me like, "Is that all you got?" Finally, I just used the broom to push it out the front door. I swear that it was a miniature dinosaur! It doesn't realize that I saved its life, since Toby is the great Lizard Killer in our house. More than once I have come home from work to find disemboweled lizards and lizard parts in the house. I like to think of myself as the Lizard Liberator. It's the least I can do to save them from a terrible death. :)
ReplyDeleteI used to live in Florida and our cats were usually pretty good hunters of the intruders. I don't remember being confronted by any. But in Texas we were in a rental and couldn't get them to fix the gap under our front door...which let in all sorts of uninvited guests. I always knew when we had an intruder because my dog would point it out to me (never actually did anything to it though). I was the laughing stock of the neighborhood for attacking all the critters with a blast of HAIRSPRAY to the face to stun them long enough for me to capture them. My current dog is useless! Good thing we live where there are fewer critters.
ReplyDeleteHave had no more critter issues since our latest cat has come to live with us. The other day she came inside with a headless mourning dove in her mouth and hunkered down to eat it on my kitchen floor. Needless to say, the hubby was called and the hunk-o-bird was thrown outside and the cat sent with it to continue her meal outside... ugh... No lizards though up here in Ohio. Too cold. :)
ReplyDeleteMy first thought was, but don't you have kitties? Love their nonchalance. In the meantime, a black snake moved into our garage. And I don't trust our door seals. It has been a reptile kind of week in Florida! Also, for future reference, my daughter catches lizards by tossing a washcloth on them. They're surprised enough so you can pick them up.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne
EPIC post. Bahahahaha! I love it. Thanks for the laugh. :-)
ReplyDeleteUseless?? USELESS???? Those cats are far from it. Just look at them --- bravely and selflessly keeping the table from floating up to the ceiling. For HOURS they do this. And what thanks do they get?? Sheesh! You'd find it pretty hard to eat at that table without the diligent application of cat fur and fluffyness keeping it firmly on the floor, let me tell you.
ReplyDeleteAnd why would you be 'fraid of a wittle wovely cuteums lizard like that, hmmm?? He's more afraid of you.... oh never mind -- I hate it when people say that to me.
Thanks to John (thoj) for protecting his lovely talented wife from the lizard. That's love, man. Good job.
Maureen S
"bravely and selflessly keeping the table from floating up to the ceiling"
DeleteI... I think I love you!
Of course I am giggling in that way only possible by those owned by cats.
P.S. You missed your chance, Jen. "Florida Man Captures Lizard Terrifying Wife"
ReplyDeleteWell, that doesn't quite have a good ring, but I'm sure you could come up with other "Florida Man....." headlines to commemorate John's heroic actions.
hee hee hee hee
Maureen S
This headline can be interpreted that John caught Jen, who was terrifying lizards.
Delete;)
LOL
DeleteIts all in the punctuation, isn't it?
While I don't have an issue with non-snake reptiles that can't eat me, I would never be able to truly relax in a state that has palmetto bugs. So you are braver than I.
ReplyDeleteI have totally been there with both a lizard and a giant Texas cockroach. Once it happened when my husband was out of town for the night, and the intruder spent the night under a bowl with a box over it and heavy books on it to keep the cats from letting it out.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear the little guy got out safely. We haven't gotten any lizards inside the house, but I can picture what would happen if one did.
ReplyDeleteGreat story. And, of course the cats were useless. We don't get lizards here in Ohio, but we do get mice, and the cats don't care AT.ALL! I mean, come on, cats and mice are mortal enemies, right? Not so much in our house.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the best laugh I've had all day. I live in Massachusetts, so there are no lizards. However, several months ago we had a bat in the house. My tiny feline princess didn't even notice. Thanks for reassuring me that she's not the only cat asleep on the job!
ReplyDeleteJust this morning I saw something about "Florida Man" and thought of you guys. This totally fits the bill!
ReplyDelete~Jodee
The first time I visited the southern USA as a newly minted teen (Aka a 13 year old girl) I saw the tiny lizards that invaded all the the spaces and my imagination simply ran away with them. I adored them so much I finally tattooed one onto my body as a 22 year old woman. While I have never wanted one as a pet, every time I see one (including the tattooed one that hides in my hair!) I can't help but smile. They have always been a joy for me!
ReplyDeleteYou all are making me inordinately glad that I live in Colorado...
ReplyDelete... until a mountain lion comes walking in (we haven't had any spotted where I am but they are in the metro area of DFW TX we just get coyotes and the occasional bobcat) lizards, geckos, and scorpions are a minor nuisance compared to something that might decide you are food. (~_^)
DeleteThis is definitely the best thing I've read today.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this desperately needed laugh. I love both or your writing styles. At least the tail didn't come off in your hand like it did to me when I was a kid!
ReplyDeleteMy first thought was, "HEY, if Jen lets her cats sleep on the dining table, why do I get such grief over it?" My mom gave me a plaque for the kitchen that says, "cat hair is a condiment in this house".....subtle, eh? The last thing one of my cats brought INTO the house was a foot long garter snake...and he jumped the baby gate into the house with it, only to let it go and me see it slither under the couch. Lizards or bats.....I'd be having a hairy fit. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, man, I can't remember the last time we actually had a *meal* on the dining room table - that's just the Craft Table/Cat Domain. Ha! Of course, we eat on the pop-up coffee table, and the cats lounge there just as often...
DeleteMy cats think that place mats are there to soften the hard wood table for their delicate tushes. :)
DeleteI live in a sub-tropical city in Australia - I feel your pain! I had a frog land on my pillow the other night after a rain storm. Luckily it was about the size of my thumb nail and completely adorable, so I didn't freak out.
ReplyDeleteThat is freakin' hilarious! And now you have me totally terrified because I'm about to move to a house about 30 minutes away from you! So glad I have lizardy closet surprises to look forward to. Like the giant wolf spiders and palmetto bug/roaches here in Georgia weren't bad enough! Thanks a lot! ;)
ReplyDeleteWhat's this? A fellow geek migrating to O-town? Why, we should meet up some time!
DeleteDon't worry...we have the wolf spiders and palmetto bugs here too :) Lizards eat the bugs though, so I try my best to catch & release. Pro tip: don't catch it by the tail -- they detach as a defense mechanism and keep wiggling.
DeleteI lived for 7 years in central FL, so we had lizards all over the place. My son got very good at catching them by trapping them under a big plastic stadium cup, then sliding a piece of cardboard underneath to transport them back to the great outdoors. I once had a grandma at one of my son's baseball games say that when she was a kid, they'd catch them and let the lizards bit their earlobes and wear them around like earrings. Now THAT'S going native.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one who actually had lizards like this as pets? We studied anoles in my seventh grade science class and I won the pool at the end of the unit to bring them home. Since we already had a cat, a dog, a frog, and a toad in the house, Mom was very patient and understanding about adding two lizards to the mix. I understand how some (okay, most) people are creeped out by lizards. For me, the only thing creepy about owning them was that I had to feed them live crickets. Eww.
ReplyDeleteOwing them did give me valuable knowledge. A couple of years ago when hubby and I were in Orlando at a waterpark, this little girl who was in line in front of us caught an anole. She then tried to force feed the poor thing a leaf. By her accent, and that of her parents who were also in line, she was from Great Britain. So, I spoke up on behalf of that poor lizard and let her know that they are, in fact, carnivores. She then let the little guy go. Win one for education!
This absolutely made my evening! Sorry to laugh at your expense, John, but the narrative was awesome! My dad had a similar incident (and reaction) happen to him when we stayed at one of the Fort Wilderness cabins, so you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteLoved it! But my favorite phrase: as such I let out a strong, modern shriek -- absolute perfection there!
ReplyDeleteNever posted before, but had to now. LOVE it. My M-I-L lives in Naples and complains about the lizards all the time. So much that we give her "lizard gifts" for different occasions to aggravate her. We have equally useless cats at our house in NC with NACTs (nasty a$$ cricket things) (aka Camel Crickets--look them up--horrible, very high-jumping things) that somehow think jumping AT you is the best defense when being chased. We have similar reactions to your hubby. Ugh. Feel your pain, but oh so funny!
ReplyDeleteD'aaaw, but that little guy was cute! Dat face! He looks like a miniature dragon!
ReplyDeleteThat said, I know what a phobia is, and whenever we had these fat black spiders in the house, our battle-scarred tomcat was utterly useless as well. He even used to nudge the horrible things with his paw so they would move around more *shudder*
Anything that eats spiders is allowed to move in ;)
ReplyDeleteHilarious! I used to have 2 of them as pets - they sell them at Renaissance Fairs as baby dragons.
ReplyDeletePro tip: They hate water as much as cats. Spray them with a water gun to chase them onto a dustpan for easy transportation.
I lived in NOLA for a little while, and I had to rid the house of several lizards (and I had to be quick, because my roommate's dog would try to catch them if she saw them). But the worst was when I was packing to move, and I dismantled the wire shelves in my craft room, and found a very dead ex-lizard under them. :-( I had to get my roommate to get it; it was way too gross. ::shudder::
ReplyDeleteI love this story! We have one or two in the house every year in SoCal. I don't mind the regular lizards, but there is a variety that looks like a snake that I can not stand. We had one come in while we were moving and it still makes me nauseous thinking about it a few years later. My brother and sister in law live a few miles inland from us and get scorpions. I think if that happens we will have to move.
ReplyDeleteha ha! This is great. Thanks for taking one for the team so we can have a great story ;)
ReplyDeleteLOL! I love John's recap. This is fabulous!
ReplyDeleteLizards I would be totally fine with, but bugs have totally put me through that ordeal. I pulled a t-shirt out of my closet, went to put it on, and as I swung it over my head, saw a loose string hanging from the arm. Grabbed it to pull it off, and realized it wasn't a string, it was a strand of web, and there was a big spider dangling from it, crawling back toward my hand. The scream woke MY John and then I made him go through and clear every shirt in the closet, turning them inside out one by one to check for more spiders. He is a good John.
ReplyDeleteOr the time when we moved out of a ground floor apartment that had a spider issue. When John was packing his socks, he gets to the bottom of the drawer and there's a big live spider in there. ICK. Then I'm unpacking a box of cleaning supplies at the new place, home alone, and found a giant spider in the bottom. Closed up the box with a couple of bottles still in it, COVERED it in Duct tape and put it outside by the front door, as trash day wasn't for a few days. John came home and I explained, and he carried the box down the street to a dumpster in another complex. He is a very good John.
Or last week as I was packing up my office for our office move, and while one of my coworkers was chatting to me, I saw the biggest centipedey-many-legged thing I've ever seen, bright RED, on the wall, crawling toward my already-packed boxes and yelled OH MY GOD. She turned and freaked. And then I made her kill it. What the hell that thing was doing on a 3rd floor wall in the middle of DC, I have no idea, but it made me a lot happier about moving than I had been! Never seen one that color or size before.
In my house now, I have camel crickets, which are huge spider-looking crickets that like to LEAP at you. That's not fun either but they mostly keep to the basement.
I am obviously a complete wimp, and I'm sure you're so thrilled you're getting 100 of these stories :) If you want to kill/set free my bugs, I'll happily set free your lizards, mice, whatever isn't a bug!
I love the lizards we have here in FL. There are even some albino ones that hang out near my front door at night. I love seeing them scurry around my front and back porch but hate it when one accidentally gets in. I know my well meaning but incompetent animals would try unsuccessfully to catch it and tear up my house. Once there was a small lizard in my garage that I was trying to catch to release outside. Like a bad sitcom I managed to actually guide *into* my house instead. (Apparently the animals aren't the only incompetent ones.) Even though it was late at night my husband still physically moved the washer and dryer to carefully catch the lizard and put it outside. That's the definition of love, right there.
ReplyDelete